A Fire Nation Flower
by Fancy Pants Penguin Jiao-Jie
Summary: "There is no bad student, only bad teacher." Here is my story of what happened to Azula, and how she became the way she was. Kinda angsty with a few morals! *grin.* T for safety
1. Prelude

**A/N:** First of all I don't own avatar at all! Second, I really wanted to write a story about Azula's (it IS about Azula, even though the first chapter has to be told from Zuko's POV) life and why she is the way she is, with some clever (*pats herself on the back*) morals thrown in there if you can find them. This is my first Avatar fanfiction so I would love to hear feedback, whether you love or hate it. If you hate it I'd prefer CONSTRUCTIVE criticism so I can improve my writing, that's very welcome, but no flames.

So...

ENJOY! (I hope).

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**Prelude**

"Zuko?...I can see you there, young man. Come here and meet your sister," Lady Ursa said weakly. The two-year old prince timidly peeked around the legs of his nursemaid. Zuko had always been shy, and with all of the people in the room he had been doing his best to stay hidden. Ursa smiled at him, looking exhausted. He stared at the strangers who were standing silently around the edges of the room, and glanced anxiously at his father before dashing over to Ursa's bed and scrambling his way up to sit beside her.

"Her name is Azula," Ursa told her son as he looked with wide eyes at the squirming and crying bundle in her arms, "Can you say that?" At two years old the boy would still hardly say a word, and Ursa was starting to worry whether it was just simple bashfulness or something more. "Azula," she repeated after a moment. Zuko's eyes darted to Ozai again, then to the midwife and the healer before landing back on his baby sister but he said nothing.

Ursa waited another few moments before asking, "Would you like to hold her?" The prince's amber eyes met his mother's as he shifted into a position better suited for holding a baby on his lap.

"Ursa-" Ozai started, but his wife interrupted him.

"It's alright," Ursa said sternly, putting one arm around her son, and using the other to help support the newborn's head. As he held Azula (with Ursa's help) Zuko smiled a little and looked at his mother.

"...Lula?" The boy asked quietly.

Ursa's face broke into another tired smile, "Almost," she said, then after several seconds, added, "You're a big brother now and you have to help take care of her."

Zuko nodded seriously, "Lula," he said again in awe looking back down at his sister; she looked back and Zuko made a quiet promise to himself and Azula that he wouldn't let anything happen to her. He was jerked away from his thought when the midwife spoke from the other side of his mother's bed: "Excuse me? My Lady... We have to take the princess now, you need to rest."

Ursa frowned but nodded, releasing her baby to a nurse. Zuko took one more look at his new sister and watched, fascinated, as his father even kissed her forehead before she was taken away.

Zuko heard Ozai say to the man beside him, "The sages who read the stars tonight predict that she will be blessed by Agni," but the little boy didn't know what his father meant by that.

"Didn't they also say that she would be a boy?" The man replied with a touch of sarcasm. Ozai's victorious smile disappeared and one of his eyebrows twitched. Little Zuko hardly saw his father, and even he knew this was a bad sign. The man tensed when he realized what he'd said but his shoulders relaxed when Ozai turned away from him without responding; Ozai was still just a prince but his temper was already legendary.

The feeling of reverence in the room seemed to lift when Zuko's elderly nursemaid, Weiqi, spoke up cheerfully, "Come on, handsome, we need to let your mom get some sleep." Zuko pouted for an instant, then turned and kissed his mother's cheek before allowing Weiqi to help him off the bed. The spell had been broken; the guests began filing out of the room, offering their congratulations to Ursa and Ozai. The good mood of the latter had apparently not been ruined: he even gave Zuko a pat on the shoulders as Weiqi led the little boy out.

Zuko had been afraid when his mother told him that he would have a little brother or sister; afraid that his mother and father would love the baby more, and he wouldn't get to see them anymore, not that he saw Ozai very often anyway but that was alright with Zuko, the man was a little bit scary. Now that Azula was born, that he had met her, that his mother had hugged him like normal, and his father had even shown a very rare gesture of affection, Zuko's fears were starting to melt away. He was excited to have a little sister.

_I'll be the best big brother ever_, he thought, still feeling his father's hand on his back.


	2. Blessed

**Blessed**

Ozai smiled as he handed his silk robes over to a servant and then pulled his night shirt on. He climbed into his and Ursa's bed, which felt big and empty without his wife beside him, and he lay down still grinning. The servant bowed as he exited the room, feeling slightly unsettled at Ozai's out of character cheeriness.

When Zuko had been born he was even more ecstatic; the first born son of the future FireLord. Of course, Ozai wasn't the next in line to the throne, Iroh was, but that didn't stop the younger prince from making plans for the future. Some way, somehow he **would** be the FireLord, and so in his mind, Zuko was already his heir, he would carry on Ozai's legacy. Zuko would be smarter, and stronger than Lu-Ten and Azulon would see who the better Prince was.

Unfortunately for Ozai things weren't turning out exactly as he had planned. There is a test that all Fire Nation children take: a candle is held close to them, if it does nothing they go back to regular lessons, but if the flame tilts towards the child they're a fire bender. Usually parents don't bother with this test until the child gets to the age when their fire bending lessons would begin, but Ozai had been so anxious to be sure his son was a bender that he had ordered the test performed early. Ursa wasn't a fire bender so there was an equal chance that Zuko wouldn't be either, and he could not be a future FireLord if he couldn't bend his nation's element; that hadn't happened in centuries.

The sage had held the candle next to Zuko while another held the boy in his chair; he had tried to squirm away, afraid that they would burn him. Ozai was agitated at his son's cowardice but he breathed a sigh of relief when the candle flickered several times towards the boy. At least he had inherited his father's bending, although somewhat weakly it seemed.

Secretly Ozai blamed Ursa for all of his son's shortcomings; she was always coddling Zuko, holding his hand, and taking him along with her when she went to her teas. Ozai thought Zuko was spending too much time around women, what if he couldn't grow up to be the powerful heir that Ozai had dreamed of? He was two years old and didn't talk regardless of Ozai having hired a man named Chenglei: the one of best tutors money could buy. Ozai hadn't heard his son utter a word until the night Azula was born.

_Azula,_ Ozai thought, his grin widening,_ she will be everything Zuko should have been. _It was the night of the summer solstice, the day when Agni is most powerful. There was no doubt in his mind that this meant Azula would have all of Agni's own power in fire bending, it must have been a sign. That's why Ozai had chosen to name her after his father. The unsettling smile damped a bit as he remembered what that idiot had said in his wife's room. Azula **was** predicted to be a boy but the sages were obviously wrong, and a woman could never be FireLord.

Ozai shook off that last annoying thought and extinguished the candle at his bed side table with a wave of his arm, promising himself that he would figure something out, and maybe find a way to remind that man in the birthing room who his betters were.

Azula would have all of the power and intelligence of her grand-father and namesake, as well as all of the beauty and grace of her mother. With that thought Ozai fell drifted off to sleep, still smiling.

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**A/N: ** A little bit of a mini chapter, but I felt like it should stand on its own instead of being paired with the other. Once again, reviews with what you liked or didn't like and what you think I should work on would be met with love!


	3. Apology

**A/N:** Okay, here is chapter three of what I am hoping will be an epic tale of Azula. Reviews are greatly appreciated and chapter four will be on its way soon; hopefully someone is actually going to read it! =P

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**Apology**

Azula bounced behind her brother along the stone wall at the outer edge of their mother's garden, being careful to step on the exact same bricks as he did. Without warning Zuko stopped, causing the little girl to almost run into him. He held his hand up dramatically, signaling his sister to be still. "Oh no….Lula, did you feel that?….I think…OH NO! THE BRIDGE IS COLLAPSING."

Azula screamed and turned to run back the way they came as the "bridge" began to crumble, threatening to send her and her brother to their deaths in the "lava" below. She pretended to trip and dropped her pack of "supplies" into the river of molten rock below them. "It's too late!" Zuko yelled. He grabbed her hand, hoisted her up and together they ran towards the bench at the edge of the wall which signified safety.

Then, a devious thought worked its way into Azula's four year old mind.

She stopped in her tracks, pulling on her brother's hand. "ZUZU!" She yelled, using her play-name for him from when she couldn't quite say Zuko. "YOU'RE TOO HEAVY!" He tilted his head to the side and began to say something at exactly the same time that Azula put both hands on his shoulders and pushed him off the stone wall.

Azula had expected him to just step off the wall and land on his feet, then perhaps pretend to die a horrible and painful death in the lava and she could pretend to mourn his death as the only way she could have survived, before rushing to her escape. Instead, Zuko landed flat on his back, the wind knocked out of him, just as Ursa slid the paper door of the palace open after she heard the sound of her daughter's scream, she was followed by Ozai who looked like he had been having Ursa tie his hair into a top-knot which she had not quite finished.

Azula started to laugh, proud of her good idea, until her brother sat up, holding his elbow. She saw his ripped sleeve and the bloody scrape on his elbow and instantly felt guilt clutch in her chest. Ursa rushed to Zuko's side and Azula stepped off of the wall. "Azula!" Ursa scolded, "Why would you do that?" Zuko's eyes were starting to water and Azula could tell he was trying not to cry in front of their father.

"W-we were just playing. It was an a-accident," she stuttered, tears starting to well up in her own eyes.

"It was not, she pushed me!" Zuko yelled. Ursa shushed him as he examined his elbow.

Ursa looked up at her daughter, "Azula, I think you should go to your room and think about what you did," she said in a stern but not cruel way.

"She said it was an accident, Ursa," Ozai finally said with a shrug.

Azula looked hopefully at her mother, but was met with a frown. "Now young lady," Ursa said.

Azula stomped her feet angrily and felt fire rise in her chest; she turned to Zuko before she left. "You're just a little crybaby!" She yelled before stomping into the palace and slamming the sliding door shut behind her so hard she worried for a millisecond it might break and get her into even more trouble. It didn't and the fire came back, filling her heart and brain. _Stupid Zuko, it was just an accident and he just had to go and cry to mother to get me in trouble, _Azula thought.

She was about to continue storming to her room when she heard her mother speak from the other side of the paper door, "Come on, Zuko, we'll get your elbow cleaned up. Ozai, you can't just give her anything and everything she wants."

"She said it was an accident," Ozai repeated more forcefully. There was a pause as Azula figured her father looked at Zuko's arm. "It's not even a bad scratch. They're just kids being kids and they shouldn't be coddled all the time, they'll turn out weak."

Ursa didn't say anything else but Azula could hear her and Zuko walking towards the door. The princess ran away to her room and slammed the heavy wooden door just for effect. She felt a fierce sense of righteousness; her father agreed with her and knew it was an accident. If Zuko was there, Azula probably would have yelled "HA!" and then proceeded to taunt him out of revenge. Somewhere she felt bad about hurting her brother and for making him cry in front of their father, it really had been an accident, but she was too angry at him for tattling on her to let herself feel bad.

* * *

Later that night a servant brought Azula her dinner. Her stomach had been rumbling for hours, probably more like half an hour, but to a four year old it may as well of been all night. Mother told her that she could come out if she apologized to her brother, out of pride Azula had refused ("He's a whiny baby!") and so she ate her roast turkey-duck in silence, by herself.

After her stomach was full Azula realized the rage she felt at Zuko for tattling had all but disappeared, and she began to feel guilty. Not just for hurting Zuko's arm, but also for making him cry and calling him names while Father was there. Even the little princess knew how Zuko felt about making his father proud; every time he showed Azula a new move he learned at fire bending classes, which he had started earlier in the year, it was just practice so that he could get it right when he showed Father.

Azula put her empty bowl and silverware on top of her dresser then sat back down on the rug, resting her chin on the palm of one of her hands. Her stomach felt heavy, so she tried to distract herself by playing with a couple of wooden soldier toys she had taken out of her brother's toy chest; people just loved to buy her dolls, especially mother, no matter how many times she said that she liked playing with swords and soldiers, like Zuko's toys, she just got more and more dolls.

The good, fire nation, soldier was just about to fire bend the bad, earth kingdom, soldier off of his fire navy ship (Azula's empty dinner bowl) and into the ocean (her carpet) when there was a knock on the door. Azula threw the soldiers under her bed and jumped up. "Come in," she said, and was putting the bowl back on her dresser when Ursa opened the door.

"It's time for bed, Sweetheart," Ursa said, "Did you learn anything today?"

"Yes, I'm sorry for calling Zuko names and for pushing him." Azula said, like she was reading it from a script. She knew it was what her mother wanted to hear.

"Good," Ursa smiled. She pulled Azula's night gown out and helped her out of her dress. After the princess was changed Ursa helped her take her bun down and brush out her hair, which tended to get tangled in the day to day life of a four year old. "What are you going to do tomorrow?" Ursa asked.

"Go tell Zuko that I'm sorry," Azula said as she closed her eyes. She loved the feeling of having her hair brushed, and even though her nursemaid, Suyin, would do it for her every night, it was rare that her mother came in and put her to bed herself; only when she was in trouble it seemed.

Ursa smiled again, "That's a good girl," Azula felt a twinge of annoyance at her mother talking to her like she was a baby, but ignored it for the sake of avoiding another argument.

The princess climbed into bed and leaned up to kiss her mother goodnight. Ursa took a step towards the bed and bumped her foot on one of the toy soldiers. When she leaned down to pick it up Azula filled with dread, anticipating a lecture about taking Zuko's toys without asking.

"How did this get in here?" Ursa asked. The princess shrugged, keeping her face blank of guilt. "I guess Zuko left it. Goodnight, Sweety." Ursa kissed Azula's cheek and extinguished the torches before leaving the room, taking the toy with her.

The princess breathed a sigh of relief, and then became disappointed. _How can I play any games with only one soldier…? _She thought. But the heavy feeling of guilt in her stomach was still there, and it was at that instant that inspiration struck.

She waited until the shadows stopped moving past the crack in her door before creeping out of her bed, taking the other toy out from underneath, and tip toeing over to listen at the door. The moon was high in the sky, so she figured it must be late, and the princess didn't hear anything from the other side. She inched it open just wide enough for her slender frame to fit through then skittered down the darkened hallway. Her brother's room was just two doors down and she reached it in no time, opening it quietly just as she did her own. She slid inside and 'clicked' the door shut behind her.

Zuko was asleep. She climbed onto the side of his bed and poked his shoulder until he woke up. "Azula? What do you want?" He only used her full name when he was upset and she frowned.

"I'm sorry for pushing you down; I didn't mean to hurt you I was just playing. I brought you this toy back." She said it rather quickly, she always felt uncomfortable when she apologized for real, like in those dreams when she came out for breakfast and realized she'd forgotten to wear clothes. "Here," she said and handed him the fire nation soldier toy. "Mother took the other one or else I would give it back too."

Zuko rubbed his eyes and looked at the toy his sister had given him. "It's alright," he said, "thanks. You can play with my wooden sword for a little while if you want?" Zuko gestured to his toy chest and smiled showing he wasn't angry.

Azula grinned and began, "Thanks, Zuzu. We can -" Both children's heads jerked to the door. The bang was followed by the curses of a servant as he attempted to pick up whatever had crashed to the floor.

After they heard the servant leave, muttering about "the damn elephant-rats in this place.", Azula hugged her brother, something she had begun doing less and less of, and snuck back out of his room and down the hall to her own. She shut the door of her own room and looked at the borrowed wooden sword, grinning from ear to ear.

She placed the sword safely in the back of her toy chest hidden under some dolls and bounced into her bed where she curled up to finally sleep; the heavy feeling was finally gone.


	4. A Princess

**A/N:** First of all, thank you to my very first, wonderful reviewer xladykittyx.  
Now, I actually like this chapter, so I would love to hear what everyone else thinks too. I'm planning on doing a sort of parallel chapter, but I was too excited to wait to post this one =D.  
Did anyone else wonder why Azula, a princess, always wore armor, even as a little kid?

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**A Princess**

"_**Do it again**_," Li and Lo chorused. Azula groaned loudly. "**A princess doesn't groan**." Lo admonished from Azula's right…or maybe it was Li, Azula could never tell the difference.

The princess resumed her stance, this time without the groan, determined to do it perfectly so that she could leave. Personally, she thought that the two old women who her father had hired to be her fire bending teachers were a little bit creepy and Azula could hardly wait to get away from them. They were the best though, that's why Ozai had picked them.

Azula swung her leg in a graceful arc followed by a trail of flame, she stepped forward and punched several times doing her best to focus. She was one of the few fire benders in her class at the Royal Fire Academy for Girls, and was the envy of the other bending girls for getting to begin her lessons so much earlier than was customary.

She used to sit and enviously watch her brother's bending lessons, eagerly anticipating the day when she could start herself. Secretly, Azula had already tried several fire bending moves on her own, all of which she had been able to accomplish on the first try, but it was against the rules to try bending before being taught how to control it.

"It's dangerous," Ursa told her children, "You could hurt yourself," but Ozai had caught Azula while she was trying to perfect a flame jump rope one evening after dinner.

_Mai and Ty-lee are going to be sooo jealous when I show them,_ Azula thought with a grin.

"Azula?" The flames fizzled out when the princess heard her father's voice; she felt her knees go weak and her heart leapt into her throat, anticipating all of her father's rage. She tried to say 'Yes?' but all that came out was a squeak.

"Do that again," Ozai ordered. So Azula had tried to slow the pounding in her chest; she closed her eyes and placed her palms together. The princess focused all of her energy out of her heart, through her shoulders and down her arms then pulled her palms apart slowly. A thin steam of fire spread between her hands and Azula's brow furrowed with the concentration of maintaining the flame while she swung the stream around like a jump rope, very slow at first so as not to break the string of fire, then she gradually gained momentum.

Azula's focus was nearly broken when her father actually laughed. With that rare sound the little girl felt her confidence and natural tendency to show off return. She crossed her arms and started jumping criss-cross which to her pleasure made Ozai laugh again. "You can stop now," he said after watching her for a few minutes. Azula was having fun, but she allowed the flame to die down at her father's words. "Let's go inside, it's getting close to your bed time," he said, taking her hand and leading her inside.

The very next day after she came home from school Azula was introduced to Li and Lo and had been allowed to start her fire bending training a year early. Inside, the princess was jumping up and down and screaming with joy but that's not how a princess acts, so on the outside she smiled politely and bowed to her two new masters the way she had been taught at the academy.

Fire bending made Azula feel alive in a way that she never had before. She felt exhilarated every time she felt the heat of her own flames, or heard the 'whoosh' of a fireball. Her legs ached from hot squats and she could do flame fists in her sleep. She could perform new sets easily, but much to her disdain, Li and Lo would not allow her to advance until she had perfected each one…and it wasn't only her bending form that they made her master.

"**Almost perfect**," Li (or Lo) said,  
"_But your face was a mess_," the other sister continued.  
"**Do not scrunch up your eyes**."  
"_Or flare your nose,_"  
"**_Do it again_.**"

And so Azula would repeat her sets over and over each day until she performed flawlessly. No squinting, no grimacing, and not a hair loose from her bun.

* * *

After several weeks of daily fire bending practice, Azula had finished for the day and was busy practicing her calligraphy for the Fire Academy when a servant whose name she couldn't remember came in and informed her that her father wanted to see her in his study.

Nervously she followed the servant into her father's study. She spent the trip trying to remember if she had done anything wrong that could cause her father to scold her. The trip was over too soon for the little princess; the nameless servant held the curtain back for Azula. She stepped up to Ozai's desk and bowed.

"Hello, Azula," Ozai said putting aside the scroll he was reading.

"Hello, Father," Azula replied exactly the way her teachers told her she should.

"How are your fire bending lessons coming?" Ozai asked, "Li and Lo say you're advancing quickly." He sounded almost kind but his eyes flashed.

Azula clasped her hands in front of her and replied, "They're going well."

"Good, will you show me what you learned today?"

It wasn't really a question, there was no way Azula could tell him no, so the girl nodded, because a princess does what she's asked. She noticed for the first time that the couch, as well as her father's desk and chairs had been moved away from the center of the room in order to give her enough space.

She'd already exchanged her armor-like school uniform and boots for a pair of slippers and a silk dress of which she rolled up the sleeves. She pulled the skirt of her wrap dress back and stepped into her stance.

After a moment's pause Azula took a deep breath, stepped to the side and kicked at the air. She lunged and bent, jumped and punched exactly the way she had practiced over and over again earlier in the day. She should have done it flawlessly, the way she had for Li and Lo, but the girl was nervous.

She had never practiced fire bending indoors as opposed to in an open stone courtyard. She was afraid of one of her fireballs going wide and hitting some of her father's furniture or his important papers. Azula came to the end of her set, which involved a complicated twist and a leap. She was too busy focusing on trying to keep her fire from going beyond a foot or two, that Azula forgot she was wearing silk slippers instead of boots, and that she was standing on marble tile instead of cobblestones. As she completed the move and went to stick the landing, grinning, the edge of her dress caught under her foot.

At first, Azula didn't realize what had happened, her body shot to the side, banging her knee and twisting it painfully. She landed heavily on her right wrist and pain shot up her arm like lightening. Azula whimpered and clutched her wrist. As the realization of what had happened set in she looked up at Ozai's cold yellow eyes, feeling her own start to fill with tears…not just because of the pain.

Azula stood, still holding her wrist, and hard as she tried to hold them back, a tear slid down her cheek.

Ozai's face was made of stone; Azula had never seen him look at her like that before. He was glaring at her like she was….Zuko.

"Get out of my sight," Ozai said, his voice dripping with venom.

The young princess' heart felt like someone had wrapped their hand around it and was squeezing the life out. Her eyes burned as she bowed and stepped out of her father's study, the curtain falling closed behind her. She refused to limp although her knee was aching as she walked down the hall and back to the courtyard where she left her brush, ink and scrolls.

A princess doesn't leave a mess behind.

The bell sleeves of her dress hid the swelling of her wrist well and she held her head high despite the fact that she had never felt so low.

A princess always looks strong and proud.

When she reached the courtyard there was already someone there. Azula recognized the kind timbre of the voice although she couldn't hear what was being said. _Mother!_ Azula thought and she hurried to the courtyard the tears threatening to escape. It had been years since Azula had run to her mother crying but she didn't feel the shame she normally would have. She ignored the fact that a princess is never weak.

"Mom!" Azula said as she rounded the corner. Her voice was threatening to break, but her mother must not have heard. It was dark, and Ursa didn't see her daughter's face.

"Hold on, Sweety," Ursa said to Azula. "Your brother stepped on a prickle snake and was bitten. I'll be right back, okay?" Ursa turned back to Zuko, "Come here, let's get you to the healer," she said helping him up.

The two of them left through the opposite door; the last thing Azula saw before Ursa slid it shut behind them was Zuko limping. She let herself fall down next to a tree and her lip began tremble. She felt like something had been ripped away from her, but the empty space it left was quickly filled with white hot anger at Zuko.

It was his fault, everything. He was whiny and needy. He was always taking their mother away from her and Ursa loved him more. In that moment she hated him and angry tears started flowing.

"QUACK," said a turtle-duck from the little pond beside where Azula was standing. It eyed her curiously and swam closer.

"SHUT UP," she yelled, it swam back a bit and looked at her; she felt stupid a second later. She was yelling at a dumb animal. Another sob escaped; Azula wiped away the tears with the sleeve of her dress.

"QUACK!" She heard again. It swam close again thinking she had food. _It must remember all the times Zuko and mother sit here feeding it_. Azula saw red again. She picked up the closest object to her, a good sized rock, and chucked it right at the little turtle-duck.

There was a 'plop' when the rock hit the water, narrowly missing the turtle-duck, which swam away from the distraught princess as fast as its feet would take it.

Still crying, Azula stood and gathered her things. She struggled with her knee and her wrist but didn't bother to hide it anymore.

The princess made her way back to her room where she neatly put her calligraphy supplies away before proceeding to throw her silk dress into the roaring fireplace.


	5. Heat

**Heat**

Several days later Azula sat cross-legged beside her cousin, Lu-Ten, on the stairs beside the palace's training square. Her wrist was feeling better but she still had a large, black and yellow bruise on the side of her leg. The princess had a scroll open on her lap but she had gotten bored of studying ages ago. Instead of reading about the strategies employed by General Qui at the first battle of Ba Sing Se she was watching her brother train with their Uncle Iroh, something she hadn't done since she began her own lessons.

Zuko finished his set with small spurt of fire; the set was one that Azula had already mastered and she was disappointed at Zuko's performance.

"Hmm…Let's try that one again," Iroh said in his cheerful way. Secretly, Azula had always looked up to Iroh. She had heard stories about his power at fire bending, and how he had defeated the last of the dragons, earning him the title 'Dragon of the West.' The crown prince had a regal feeling, just like Ozai, but he didn't exude the same aura of power as her father did, so Azula had her doubts about the stories.

That's one of the reasons that she used to sit around watching fire bending training. She had hoped to catch a glimpse of Iroh's bending but all he had ever done was instruct Zuko and drink a lot of tea. Besides, how tough could he be when his only son, who would have to one day be the FireLord, was sitting on the ground humming and reading poetry?

The other reason that Azula came to watch the training is because she also used to look up to Zuko. He was her older brother, after all. When he started to learn to bend she was impressed; he'd always seemed so strong. Whenever she hurt herself he would take her to get cleaned up, and whenever she was sent to bed without dinner he would sneak her some of his.

However, as Azula watched both of her childhood idols she was quickly becoming disenchanted.

Zuko groaned dramatically and stepped back into his fire bending stance. Iroh tapped Zuko's lower back with the bokken he was holding to straighten the boy's posture, and the prince launched into his routine.

As she watched him, Azula found herself mentally correcting each of Zuko's moves. She hadn't forgotten the Incident, as she was calling it, and watching Zuko's fire bending made her heart sink even more; it proved that everything she thought that night was true. Now that Azula knew how to do things correctly she could see his mistakes, and Zuko seemed to shrink in front of her. His leg wasn't straight, his chin was sticking out, he didn't bend low enough, and his fire wasn't hot enough.

He completed the set again, Lu-Ten clapped and smiled at Azula who faked one in return. She looked back to Zuko, amazed at Iroh's patience. "Remember, Zuko, your fire comes from your heart and your breath, not from your muscles. It's not about how hard you kick, because strength has nothing to do with it," their Uncle said calmly.

"I'm trying!" Zuko whined.

"Try it one more time, and remember when you exhale to focus on pushing your chi outside of your body to create fire," Iroh replied, taking a sip of his tea.

Azula raised an eyebrow incredulously. I_t's like 105 degrees out here,_ she thought, _how can he be drinking hot tea? Maybe he really is crazy. _ She had removed the long sleeved tunic, as well as her gauntlets and was wearing only the outer, short-sleeved layer and a thin pair of pants but she was _still_ sweating in the shade.

Zuko sighed heavily and once again resumed his stance, but Azula had had enough. She said goodbye to her cousin with a polite bow, gathered her school things and wandered back to her room to put them away, trying to decide what to do now.

_I could go to Mai's house?_ It was only across the street, after all. But Azula decided against it, she felt strange and didn't feel like talking to Mai; something was wrong but she couldn't tell what it was. Something was twisted in her stomach and Azula didn't like it at all. Her heart felt tight but she didn't feel like she was going to cry, or yell. In fact, aside from the tightness and the twisting, Azula didn't feel much of anything…other than the obscene heat.

Azula sat on the floor racking her mind, she was about ready to give in and go to Mai's when she had an epiphany. The princess smiled and skipped out of her room and down the hall to the library. The floors were made of black marble and there were no windows; Azula could almost feel the cold stone against her sin. Lying on the floor of a library may not be much more fun than sitting alone in her room, but at least it wouldn't be as hot.

She wandered past FireLord Azulon's war room on her way to the library, and could hear mumbled voices from the other side. The curtain was slightly open, just wide enough for a little girl to fit through. All thoughts of the cool stone floor were banished from her mind and Azula couldn't stop herself from peeking into the room to make sure no one was watching, and then sliding behind one of the long drapes lining the wall to listen.

Azula had not found a way to cool off, if anything it was hotter behind the curtains; even from her hiding space she could feel the heat from the fire in front of her grandfather's throne.

She _had_, however, found a new way to pass her time. 

* * *

**A/N:** I Hope you like it! It's a bit shorter than the last two, no matter what I do I seem to fit everything I have to say into about 1,000 words lol.

Thanks again to my reviewers! (hearts go here!)


	6. Lesson 1

_**Lesson 1 -  
**__It's better to be feared than loved_

_

* * *

_

没有任何坏学生...

_(There is no bad student…)_

_

* * *

_

The young princess sat pressed against the wall behind the curtain listening to her grandfather talk about mostly boring war strategy. The most interesting thing was said shortly after Azula arrived. Her grandfather wanted Iroh to lead the latest attack on Ba Sing Se. Apparently his fame had spread to the Earth Kingdom, and Azulon thought that knowing that the Dragon of the West was there would help to demoralize the Earth Kingdom soldiers.

Azula heard her uncles voice respond, "I'm honored, Father," and she could only assume that he bowed.

Unfortunately, the topic was then changed to exactly which divisions should be sent to Ba Sing Se under Iroh's command and Azula quickly lost interest.

Sure, Azula liked learning about battles and hearing about the action and the fighting, but it was pretty boring hearing a bunch of old men talk for hours about nothing. Azula couldn't risk standing up or trying to sneak back out of the room until it was empty, though. They may see the curtain move or someone may be outside waiting.

The heat was stifling and she could feel the heavy air pushing in around her from all sides. Her eyes began to feel heavy and her head fell to the side to lean against the wall.

The princess jerked her head up realizing she had fallen asleep. The room was dark; the fire in front of the throne was out, which meant Azulon was gone. Azula sighed with relief and hoped that no one had been searching for her.

She was about to open the curtain and sneak back out of the room when she heard a man speak.

"I can't believe Azulon is still alive," he said. The princess cursed herself for not listening more intently before leaving. What if she had been caught?

"It is….inconvenient," someone else answered. Azula's ears perked up and she froze, she recognized the second voice, "But soon Iroh will be gone." Azula could hear the smile in her father's voice, and in her mind's eyes she could see the malicious glint in his eye. She knew the kind of power that Ozai had over people. Sometimes he scared her, like when he got angry at her for falling, but most of the time he would hold her hand or smile at her and everything was alright.

"Yes….In my opinion…and that of a few of the other generals who shall remain nameless, Azulon isn't exactly the powerful FireLord he once was, and you would make a much better successor than Prince Iroh."

There was a pause, and then: "Well, I suppose we'll never know," Ozai replied but Azula could still hear the smile. There was a sound of shuffling, _scrolls being gathered,_ Azula figured, followed by the sound of footsteps and robes swishing along the ground.

"The other generals and I just thought you should know where our support lies, but I shouldn't talk about that here, who knows what Azulon would do to me." Azula jumped. The voice was only a few feet away from the spot where she was standing, but the princess held her breath and remained silent.

"Yes…it _is_ better to be feared than loved," Ozai replied as they stepped out of the war room.

The princess waited a few minutes until she could be sure her father and the nameless general were gone, then stepped out of her hiding place and out into the main hallway.

_Better to be feared than loved…_ she thought, fascinated.

* * *

"Come _ON_ Ty-Lee!" Azula shouted, using the whiny voice that her mother always scolded her for. The other girl was playing with the wooden sword that Azula had gotten from her brother so long ago, then conveniently forgotten about and never given back.

Azula had never had friends before the Fire Academy, unless she counted Zuko and their much older cousin…and Azula didn't. At the academy she met Mai and Ty-Lee, complete opposites yet somehow best friends. Azula always felt a little bit left out of their friendship when they giggled about inside jokes or played without her, and it hurt, though the girl would never admit it.

"I just wanna practice a liiiitle more," Ty-Lee said, in her overly sweet voice then danced away from Azula, pretending to fight a dragon.

Being the FireLord's granddaughter, Azula was simply not used to not getting what she wanted. She said she was hungry and someone came along with a plate of fruit and some tarts for her to choose from. If she complained that she wanted a sparrowkeet like Mai she got one, (this is something she did… turns out sparrowkeets aren't all they're cracked up to be and she ended up giving it to Zuko after it bit her. That was alright for Azula though, Ursa thought it was sweet of her.)

Azula stopped chasing her friend, and decided to change tactics. She switched from the annoying voice to a forceful one, like she'd heard Ozai use. "GIVE IT."

Ty-Lee stopped and looked at her friend, and Mai even glanced up from her book. "Okay, Azula," Ty-Lee said with wide eyes, then held the sword out.

Azula snatched it out of her hand, and then as an afterthought pushed Ty-Lee down into the grass. Both of the girls looked up at Azula, not knowing what to say, so the princess giggled like it had been a joke, but it came out sounding much more devilish than she had anticipated. She felt awkward for a second, before Ty-Lee stood up and smiled nervously.

"Wanna play hide and explode!" Ty-Lee asked Azula, not Mai, cheerful again.

Azula was included.

_...It really _is_ better,_ The princess thought when Ty-Lee smiled that forced cheery smile again, and turned around to count to 20.

* * *

….只有不好的教师

_(…only bad teacher)_

* * *

**A/N:** My goodness two chapters in one night! This one just wouldn't leave me alone until I finished it. First off, I know that that's a Japanese saying that I put in Chinese, but I figured since all of the writing in Avatar world is Chinese...it'd work better. I also don't read or write Chinese so I had to rely on Google translate. We all know how effective that is so if I got it wrong please let me know and I'll fix it!

Also, if you've read this far, I think you should know I love you.


	7. Lesson 2

**Lesson 2 –  
**_Show no mercy.  
_

_

* * *

_

After weeks of fire bending training, Lo and Li decided that Azula was ready to begin sparring with another fire bending student. She was far ahead of Zuko by then, but Zuko's new teacher (Iroh had left months ago for Ba Sing Se, along with Lu-Ten) decided that he would begin as well.

_He probably just doesn't want to look like a bad teacher for allowing Zuko's little sister to pass him up_, Azula thought with a smile.

To Azula's pleasure, Ozai and Ursa were going to watch the practice, and she couldn't wait to get out there and show her father what she could do, this time she would not make a mistake, but Zuko was up first.

Zuko looked at his family anxiously; Ursa gave him a comforting smile which made Azula scowl. The princess crossed her arms and watched her brother step into the circle and bow to the other boy who returned the gesture, then both of them stepped into their stance.

Her masters' caught Azula's eye from the other side of the training ground and the old women's lips pursed. The girl got the point. Sitting up straight, she uncrossed her arms and folded her hands in her lap, then rolled her eyes when the old women looked back to the boys.

The other boy struck first, Zuko ducked and swept his leg around, which sent a wave of fire towards the other boy. He jumped and easily evaded it, but Azula was still happy her brother didn't go down on the first hit.

_That would have been embarrassing, _the princess thought, watching the two boys circle each other; she knew he was going to lose but at least he could put up a good fight while their father was watching.

The fight lasted longer than Azula expected, Zuko narrowly dodged a punch, and the shoulder of his school uniform was smoking when the fire cleared. It seemed to empower Zuko, who fought with renewed vigor.

The prince punched several times, shooting fire at the other boy's feet, exactly the way his uncle had taught him. The boy lost his balance when he dodged, and he landed awkwardly on one knee, his other leg out to the side.

Azula's eyes went wide, Zuko shot another fireball with a low kick and the other boy fell backwards when he tried to jump up. He landed on his back on the outside of the circle.

_Did…Zuzu win?_ Azula thought. Zuko looked as surprised as Azula felt; he smiled and looked at his family. Azula turned to see their reaction, Ursa clapped and smiled but Azula's heart felt the biggest stab yet when she saw a small smile on her father's lips. The empty space in the princess' chest had just begun to feel whole again. Her heart had just started to rebuild only to be smashed again.

She _couldn't_ let Zuko beat her.

She would _not_ let him take their father away too.

The princess stepped passed her brother, ignoring him when he smiled at her, and into the ring. Her chest ached and her veins felt like they were on fire, but she had been taught how to keep her face blank when she fought, and so she kept it emotionless now.

Azula had turned to her father as a role model; he was strong, brave and powerful. People did what he said the second he said it and every time he smiled at his daughter or put his arm around her shoulders she felt her heart soar.

Now, seeing him look at Zuko proudly she hated her brother more than she ever thought she could and every memory of how they used to play together or of him helping her disappeared. All she saw in him was the person who stole her parents; the only people who ever loved her.

Azula stepped into her stance facing the boy she would fight (she had yet to realize that she was one of the few girls who was trained to fight). The boy must have seen something in her eyes because the princess could see his fists shaking from her place across the ring.

"_**Begin**_" Li and Lo chorused.

Azula focused all of the white rage, all of the emptiness, and all of the hurt into her bending. She thought of the smile on her father's face, of Zuko pushing the boy out of the ring, of falling in front of Ozai, of seeing Ursa carry Zuko to the healer while she cried alone in the courtyard, and even Azula was surprised when she punched four times at the boy, and her fire was not red, but a bright, hot blue.

The boy's eyes went wide and he tried to push Azula's fire to the side using his own bending. It was too hot and there was too much, the blue fire touched the boys hand and he screamed. Azula's head felt light and her heart was beating fast.

The princess did not let up for a second. She acted without thinking, jumping into the air and kicking another fireball at him. The boy jumped backwards and out of the circle holding his blistered hand against his chest.

Azula stood alone in the circle. She expected to feel guilt but none came. Instead of the sinking feeling in her stomach that she anticipated, all she could feel was an empty space in her heart. It overshadowed all else.

"Take him to a healer." Azula turned when she heard her father's voice. She saw him wave towards the burnt boy, instructing a servant to take him away. She noticed the smile on his lips, a real, genuine smile. The princess didn't see the cruelty behind it, all she saw was that her father was proud of her; more so than he had been of Zuko, and that was what counted.

Azula also didn't notice the worried look on her mother's face. _How could she do that?_ Ursa thought.

It felt to Azula like one of the pieces had been put back into her heart.

* * *

**A/N:** I really liked writing this chapter so I hope you enjoy reading it too. =]

I would really love to hear feedback! (hearts)


	8. Jealousy

**A/N: **We're into Zuko Alone territory now =].

To reviewers, readers and my first favoriter: I lurve you!

* * *

**Jealous**

Azula sat cross-legged on the garden wall across from Ty-Lee, who had a scroll spread out on her lap and held Azula's hand, staring intently.

"Uhm…Well, I think these mean that you're going to have three kids," Ty-lee said pointing to three of the lines on her friend's palm and glancing at her scroll.

"Yeah, right," Azula scoffed. She couldn't imagine herself getting married or settling down to have children…ever.

"It could happen, my dad said your father already has someone picked out for you to marry," Mai said dryly from her place on the ground next to the tree. Arranged marriage was a common practice among nobility in the Fire Nation, Azula just hadn't associated it with herself.

Her head jerked to look at Mai. "That's not true," she said, "Your dad doesn't know _anything_. My grandfather only keeps him around because he's rich and he helps pay for the war." That wasn't true of course, but lying was getting easier and easier for the princess. It just slid off of her tongue, easier than the truth ever would, and over the past couple of months the princess had really mastered the art of being just mean enough for people to be scared of her, while still trying to make her like them. Mai looked back down at her book, her cheeks slightly pink.

"You wanna practice cartwheels?" Ty-Lee asked cheerfully in order to change the subject.

"Sure, whatever," Azula answered and stood up. Ty-Lee put her things away and the two girls started their tumbling. Very quickly it turned into more of a contest than just practice. Azula had a way of making everything competitive, without even realizing she was doing it.

Azula made it two, then slipped on the last one and fell down. Ty-Lee performed hers perfectly and landed gracefully next to her friend…who frowned and pushed Ty-Lee down. The princess still couldn't stand to be outdone.

"Azula!" Ty-Lee said, although she didn't sound angry, and the princess giggled, like it was a joke. Azula turned to start another cartwheel, noticing two things at once: that her brother and Ursa were walking past and that Mai smiled and looked away at the sight of Zuko.

_I'll show her. My father wouldn't _ever_ make me marry someone I didn't know,_ Azula thought, smirking a little.

"Watch this," she whispered to Ty-Lee, who giggled, happy at the attention from the princess.

Azula ran over to Zuko and Ursa. "Mom?" She said sweetly, "Can you make Zuko play with us? We need equal teams to play a game."

"I am _not_ cartwheeling," Zuko said, before his mother could answer. The siblings' relationship had deteriorated rapidly. They used to be inseparable, which was added to the fact that they were each other's only play mates up until Zuko started school. Now whenever they spoke, it was nearly always a fight or an insult. Azula would never forgive him, and unbeknownst to the girl, he was hurt and angry about exactly the same things as she was.

"You don't have to. Cartwheeling's not a game," she drawled, then added under her breath, "Dumb dumb."

"I don't care, I don't want to play with you," Zuko responded forcefully.

"We _are, _brother and sister," Azula started, making her voice as disgustingly sweet as she could, "It's important for us to spend time together. Don't you think so, Mom?"

"Yes, Darling," Ursa replied. She secretly wondered if Azula was up to something, then pushed that idea out of her head, feeling guilty for even thinking it. She turned to Zuko, "I think it's a good idea for you to play with your sister. Go on now, just for a little while." Ursa smiled and continued into the palace while Zuko scowled and jumped over the railing to join his sister and her friends.

_Oops, _Azula thought, _now I have to actually think of a game._ She saw an apple hanging off of the tree above Mai, and was reminded of a street show she had watched once with her mother on Ember Island. She smiled and plucked the apple off the tree.

"Here's the way it goes," she motioned for Mai to stand up; once she did, Azula placed the apple on top of her friend's head and walked back to the other two children.

Mai frowned and looked at her friends, feeling stupid. She wondered what Azula was up to, and glanced at Zuko's confused face, feeling even more embarrassed; whatever Azula was doing, it wouldn't turn out well.

"Now what you have to do is try to knock the apple of the other person's head. Like this," the princess said in an authoritative tone before shooting a blast of fire at the apple. Mai closed her eyes but didn't move; she figured Azula had missed, until she saw the look on the prince's face. Mai let out a surprised gasp when Zuko ran towards her and tackled her, the two of them landing in the pond.

"See? I told you it would work," Azula said smugly to Ty-Lee.

"Awwwh, they're so cute together," the other girl replied.

Zuko jumped out of the pond without saying anything and stormed off as Mai stood and stomped her foot. "You two are such…UGH" she said before storming away herself.

Azula grinned inwardly: 'Operation: Humiliate Mai,' had been a complete success, and that ought to show her not to talk about things she didn't understand.

"Well, that was fun," Ty-Lee said, "But I better go home for dinner."

"Okay…bye." Azula said, feeling somewhat disappointed. Ty-Lee hugged the princess, gathered her fortune telling scroll and bounced away.

Azula sighed heavily and plopped down in the grass. Luckily for her, she didn't have long to be bored, as Ursa rounded the corner again and called to her, "Azula? Iroh's sent us a letter from Ba Sing Se, come inside so we can read it," she said kindly.

So, with nothing better to do, Azula followed her mother inside and looked over her shoulder as she read the letter.

"…If we don't burn it to the ground first_,_" Ursa read, and despite herself Azula laughed along with her mother and brother. "Until then, enjoy these gifts. For Zuko…" Ursa continued but Azula wasn't listening, she was intent on watching her brother unsheathe a beautiful pearl dagger.

She saw the blade glint in the light and she felt jealousy clutch the back of her mind. "Never give up without a fight…" Zuko read the inscription on the side in awe.

"And for Azula" the princess allowed herself to get excited, "A new friend," Ursa concluded, and Azula was presented a tray with a doll laying in the middle of it. She deflated and picked up the doll, holding it far away from herself. "She wears all the latest fashions of the earth kingdom girls."

"Blech," the girl said making a disgusted face as her mother rolled the scroll up. "If Iroh doesn't make it back from war, then Father would be the next in line to be FireLord wouldn't he?" She asked, remembering something she heard in Azulon's war room during one of her many eavesdropping sessions.

Ursa frowned, _I asked Ozai not to say things like that where the children could hear, but she must have heard it from him,_ she thought. "Azula," she scolded, "We don't speak that way. It would be awful if Uncle Iroh didn't return. Besides, FireLord Azulon is the picture of health."

"How would you like it if cousin Lu-Ten wanted Dad to die?" Zuko asked her.

_Ugh, I just asked a question, _Azula thought. "I still think our dad would make a much better FireLord than His Royal Tea-Loving Kookiness," she said mockingly, looking down at the doll in her hand.

Ursa sighed, defeated, and ruffled Zuko's hair, then walked out of the room while rolling the letter up. She would have to talk to Ozai.

Azula turned to see that her mother had left and set the doll on fire. _I'm so sick of getting dolls. _The girl dropped the ashes to the ground and looked over at her brother who was examining his new knife.

That place in her heart ached and she was suddenly angry. Azula snatched the knife out of her brother's hand and ran out the door, then down the hallway giggling as he chased her.

* * *

永不放弃不战而退

_(Never give up without a fight.)_

_

* * *

_

**A/N:** Again, Chinese could be wrong, I'm no expert. Sorry for spamming the inboxes of people who have subscribed, but when I get into a story I update like crazy. =]

Anywho, this chapter is really just to show the little changes in Azula; like how she's not quite as sweet and innocent as she used to be.

I am also firmly of the belief that if Ursa married Ozai and had two children with him (it was also implied she killed Azulon), there's no way she's some little demure wife, which is why I show her planning to confront him about the way Azula is acting.


	9. Lesson 3

**Lesson 3 –  
**_Be careful what you wish for._

_

* * *

_

(_Curtains swaying, windows closed. Ghost of the wind knocking at my door.)_

Azula pulled her legs up to her chest and another sob racked her small frame. She was curled up under her bed trying to disappear and clutching at an old doll. She remembered the last time she went to Ember Island with her family. Everyone was together and happy; Lu-Ten had chased her and Zuko, pretending to be Koh, the face stealer. She could still hear the excited shrieks and giggles.

Azula saw the a shadow move in front of the crack under her door, and the princess put both of her hands over her mouth so that no sound would come out.

(_Is that you, checking on me? Bring the fire to set me free.)_

The door cracked open and Azula saw her brother step into her room. "…Lula?" She heard. At the sound of her old name her heart clenched impossibly tight, but she refused to make a sound; tears slid silently down her cheeks. There was no way she would let him see her like this.

Zuko sighed and closed her door again. The princess kept her hands over her mouth and closed her eyes remembering happier times and trying to turn back the clock.

* * *

The previous morning, Azula was running from Zuko giggling. She had forgotten herself and the two of them were having fun: playing tag like they used to. Their happiness was ruined, though, when Ursa's eyes welled up with tears at the scroll a servant gave her.

The children stopped running and looked at their mother. "Iroh has lost his son. Your cousin, Lu-Ten, did not survive the battle," she said. Azula was shocked. No one she knew had ever died before, and it felt surreal.

"I'm going to go talk to your father," Ursa said, leaving her two children in the courtyard to stare at each other in disbelief.

Azula remembered that she hated Zuko now, and so she got up and left without saying anything to was too tired to practice more fire bending, and so the princess turned to her other hobby: spying on the generals and her grandfather in the war room.

Unfortunately there were guards outside and all the princess could do was sit against the wall looking bored and playing with the hem of her tunic.

Eventually the meeting let out and generals began filing past, one remarked on how pretty Azula had gotten, but she pretended not to hear; being complimented on her appearance just made the princess feel awkward.

Then she heard someone say her uncle's name and her ears perked up, "Yes, he's coming back…what a shameful defeat."

"I thought if anyone could do it, it would be the Dragon of the West, but after his son died he just fell apart," he said this somewhat mockingly, and Azula longed to hear more, but the men were too far away for her to listen without it being obvious.

Instead, the princess sulked back out to the courtyard, only to pass her brother on his way in. She changed her mind, and decided she could follow him around for a bit longer.

"Do you think that Grandfather will still make Iroh FireLord?" Azula asked as she followed Zuko inside.

"Of course, why wouldn't he?" Zuko answered, turning back to look at the girl.

"Well…because he doesn't have any children now," Azula said, trying to think of the right way to explain it.

"That's stupid," Zuko admonished.

"It is _not_ stupid," Azula accidently used the whiny voice, and she felt the anger at her brother coming back. They had made it to the hallway, and the princess looked at her shoes, deep in thought.

"It is so. Grandfather's not going to take away Iroh's crown just because his son died. He's still the older brother," Zuko said it like it was obvious.

"Oh yeah? What's so great about being the older brother if the younger is better at everything?" Azula shot back.

"You are NOT better at everything," he almost yelled. Azula could tell that her brother was starting to get angry, she had hit a nerve. She smiled and sat down in one of the chairs in the sparse sitting room, crossing her legs.

"Who's talking about me? I was talking about dad," Azula said in a sickly sweet tone.

"Well...well…" Zuko was struggling for something to hurt her back, and he grinned, almost as evilly as his sister when he remembered something he had overheard. "Well dad's already promised you to one of the officers in the navy when you turn 16."

"HE HAS NOT," she shouted. There was no way her father would force her into marriage…Right? Mai and Zuko made up a trick to get back at her for everything. That was it.

"Has so," Zuko said, looking smug and taking out his pearl knife to play with.

Azula crossed her arms and put her feet up in the chair. She was so lost in her thoughts she forgot to respond to Zuko, but now it was too late and she would just look stupid. So she leaned on her hand and watched him pretend to fight with the knife, then pretend to die.

"You waste all your time playing with knives. You're not even good," the princess said, taking another shot at her brother's ego.

It worked, because when he stood up his cheeks were red. "Put an apple on your head and we'll find out how good I am," he said, but Azula just smirked.

She got up and walked over to stand next to him, "By the way, Uncle's coming home," she said, pretending she knew what she was talking about.

"Does that mean we won the war?" Zuko turned to look at his sister, thankfully for the girl, not asking how she knew.

"No, it means Uncle's a loser _and_ a quitter," it hurt to talk about her former idol that way, but if he was leaving before they won…what did it make him? Besides, she knew it hurt Zuko too and she was better at hiding her emotions than he was.

"What are you talking about? Uncle's not a quitter," Zuko said, his shoulders slumping.

"Oh yes he is. He found out his son died and he just fell apart," Azula said, casually parroting the words of the man outside the war room. She leaned against a pillar, crossing her arms, "A _real _general would stay and burn Ba Sing Se to the ground, not lost the battle and come home crying."

"How do _you_ know what he should do?" Zuko said angrily, "He's probably just sad that his only kid is gone, forever."

Azula was thinking of something nasty to say back when their mother came rushing in, "Your father has requested an audience with FireLord Azulon. Best clothes, hurry up," she said, shooing her children to their rooms.

"'FireLord Azulon?' Can't you just call him 'Grandfather'? He's not exactly the powerful FireLord he used to be. Someone will probably end up taking his place soon," Even Azula didn't know why she said the things she did. They came out of her mouth before she could stop herself. In the back of her mind, Azula knew that when she was mean, called Zuko names, or said hurtful things that it was the most attention she got from her mother (albeit lectures or scolding) and that it was when her father would smile and laugh.

"Young lady, not another word!" Ursa said angrily, but Azula ignored her and ran past to change clothes. From the hallway, Azula faintly heard her mother say to herself, "What is wrong with that child…" the princess knew that she was acting like a monster, but it still hurt to hear her mother admit it.

As they left Ozai with Azulon after the princess' latest victory over her brother, said princess grabbed Zuko's hand and pulled him behind the curtains into her normal hiding space to listen to what the FireLord would tell their father.

Azula's smile steadily became wider as she listened to her grandfather. Not because she agreed, or took pleasure out of what he was actually saying, but because she was right about the earlier argument, and Zuko was here to witness it.

"…Your punishment has scarcely begun!" FireLord Azulon finished. Zuko tugged his hand away from Azula and ran out of the room, leaving his sister alone to listen to the rest of the conversation.

"Your punishment must fit your crime," Azulon continued, cold as stone behind his wall of fire, "You must know the pain of losing a first born son, by sacrificing your own."

"…What?" Ozai looked up, sounding startled. Azula gasped quietly. _He can't be serious…can he? _She wondered.

"Are you still 'my servant?'" Azulon asked, mocking Ozai's earlier words, "Then you will do as I command."

Ozai paused before bowing low and leaving the room. Azula moved back behind the curtains when her father stood, so she couldn't see the troubled look on his face.

The princess waited until the fire was extinguished, meaning her grandfather was gone and it was safe to leave her hiding place. She walked slowly to Zuko's room, feeling dazed. _Would father really kill Zuko?_

Azula was confused, and so she did the only thing she knew how to do when she felt any kind of inner pain or conflict.

"Da-a-ads gonna ki-ill you," she said in a sing-song voice beside Zuko's bed, gauging his reaction to see if he thought it could be true or not. "Really, he is," she added, mock seriously.

"Ha ha, Azula. Nice try," her brother said, rubbing his eyes.

"Fine, don't believe me, but I heard everything," she then mocked their grandfather's voice, repeating his last few words. Azula conveniently left out the part about Ozai's reaction.

"LIAR!" Zuko yelled, and Azula felt a little bit better. Of course Ozai wouldn't kill Zuko.

"I'm only telling you for your own good," she then continued in an overly cheerful way, "I know! You could find a nice Earth Kingdom family to adopt you!"

"Stop it, you're lying!" He clutched his blanket to his chest, "Dad would never do that to me!"

Azula started to speak but was interrupted: "Your father would never do what to you?" Ursa said from the doorway, "What is going on here?"

"I dunno," Azula said with an innocent shrug.

But it didn't fool her mother, who grabbed the princess' arm and pulled her outside, "It's time for a talk."

Ursa pulled Azula down the hallway to her room and sat her on her own bed, then crouched down next to her.

"I don't know what has been wrong with you, young lady, but your behavior has been unacceptable lately."

"I'm sorry, Mother," Azula said dryly.

"Don't you give me that, Azula Kasanji," Ursa said crossly and the girl hung her head.

"Ursa?" Ozai said from the door, "We have to talk," Azula was overcome with déjà vu, but she just nodded when Ursa patted her arm and said she would be back to finish this talk soon.

The young princess sighed and lay down on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. _Why does mother always have to show up at the exact wrong time?_ She wondered.

Azula didn't realize she had fallen asleep. She heard faint rustling, the voice of her mother saying something soothing. She felt her hair brushed back from her face and a quick brush of lips on her cheek, but she woke up alone.

Shaking off the dream, Azula turned over and fell back asleep, thankful that her mother forgot to come back to finish yelling at her.

The next day Azula heard what happened from two servants talking in the hall. The princess felt something crack in her head. _There's no way_. She thought. FireLord Azulon was dead? Her mother was missing? Ozai would be FireLord? Azula's world started to spin and she walked slowly back down the hall. Zuko's knife was still on the table in the sitting room. She picked it up and unsheathed it to look at the pearl blade.

_Mother's gone._ She thought again.

"Where's mom?" She heard behind her. The princess turned to numbly look at her brother. Seeing his panicked face she quickly resumed her smirk.

"No one knows. Oh, and last night, Grandpa passed away." That familiar hole in her chest felt like someone had punched their hand through; it felt impossibly wide.

_Mother's gone._

The cracks were quickly spreading through the little girl's soul.

"Not funny, Azula. You're sick. I want my knife back, now," he said forcefully, trying to snatch the knife from her hands.

She jumped easily away and dangled the knife in front of her brother. "Who's gonna make me, _mom_?" She said tauntingly. With each blow at Zuko she felt the numbness come back, which drown out the cracking sound.

She let Zuko take the knife out of her hand and he stormed away, leaving her to walk quietly back to her room, take the last doll her mother bought her (before she snapped and said she hated them) out of her toy chest, and crawl under the bed before she let herself break.

Back in the present, Azula moved her hands to cover both of her ears, eyes squeezed shut. The doll was squeezed in the crook of her elbow and tears ran down the girls face as she mentally tried to put herself together.

(_Chill my body, make it cold. Warm me up, and let it go. I hear voices in the air, it's too strange. No one's ever there.)_

_

* * *

_

_**A/N: **_Golly, longest chapter yet! But I thought, a very important one. It's sort of a semi-song-fic. The song is called "I hear" by Lennon, and I lurves it.

I heard somewhere that Zuko and Azula's last name was Kasanji. I have no memory of who said it, but I decided it was as good as anything I'd heard. =]

Let me know what you think. I'm starting to be surprised at how much of myself has gone into this silly story.


	10. Power

**Power**

Ozai waited impatiently at his desk. He had sent for the Lieutenant, saying it was urgent, and when the FireLord sent an urgent message to someone, he didn't appreciate having to wait.

Luckily for the Lieutenant, he was crucial to Ozai's plan. Had Azula been a boy, Ozai could simply have named her his successor, citing her superior skill and power at fire bending as the reason he picked her over his first born. But Azula wasn't a boy, and the generals who had been loyal to Azulon would never accept a female as the future FireLord, no matter how powerful and intelligent she was. Therefore, he had to get Azula in line for the throne through a series of steps.

So Ozai had begun plotting in earnest when Azula had proven herself by producing the blue fire.

What Ozai needed was someone power hungry enough to agree to his plan, someone self-centered enough to think he deserved it and therefore not suspect Ozai, and also someone powerful enough that his Father's former generals and advisors would not question Ozai's decision.

Ozai found the man he was looking for in a recently promoted fire navy Lieutenant. The man had proven himself in a battle against a Water Tribe fleet. He had fought ruthlessly, and taking down Water Tribe ships was no easy feat; they were in their own territory, after all.

So the man earned himself a promotion to Lieutenant in a ceremony over which Ozai presided. The man bowed deeply when Ozai addressed him.

"Congratulations, Lieutenant. You fought bravely, you deserve this" Ozai said for the benefit of onlookers. He could care less about one fire navy battalion taking down a few Water Tribe ships.

"Thank you, Prince Ozai," the man replied with another deep bow. The arrogance in his voice is what caught Ozai's attention. He then noticed a smug smirk. _Perfect,_ the prince thought.

All he had had to do after he became FireLord was wait for the man's battalion to come back to the capital.

Presently, the man was finally led in by a servant, who bowed. "Are you new to Capital City?" Ozai asked, casually.

"Er…no, My Lord. I've been serving you for years…I-I was there when Prince Zuko was born," the man replied, he sound confused.

"Then can you tell me exactly why you had such a hard time finding the Lieutenant's ship?" Ozai asked coldly. The servant, whose name was Jin and whom Ozai did indeed know, fumbled with his words, so Ozai addressed the Lieutenant directly, "Did you move your ship?"

"No, Sir," He replied.

"Hm," Ozai said, staring coldly at Jin while the servant tried to find the words. "You're dismissed," Ozai finally said after reveling in the man's discomfort.

Jin stepped out of the room, looking relieved to be gone, and the Lieutenant stepped forward, bowing deeply.

"Have a seat," Ozai said, gesturing to a chair across from his desk. The man didn't need to be told twice, he settled himself in the chair, a hungry look in his eyes. Ozai knew he had chosen the right man.

"How old are you, Lieutenant?" Ozai asked.

The man quirked his brow then replied, "Thirty-one this summer, My Lord?" Ozai smiled, that was good. He was young enough that no one would think it strange, but old enough that when he became ill and died, no one would be suspicious.

"Are you married?"

"No, Sir," he said slowly, his face a mask of confusion. Ozai's smile widened, and even the arrogant Lieutenant was unsettled.

"As you know, in a few years, my daughter Azula will be 16, and of marrying age," Ozai paused to gauge the man's reaction. He was not disappointed when the other man's eyebrows shot up. Ozai could see the man's lust for power.

"Yes, FireLord," he replied. Ozai laughed inwardly.

"Now…no daughter of mine will marry a Lieutenant," Ozai said. "But…if you continue to prove yourself on the war front, we may be able to come to an agreement over titles," he continued, coldly. The man was on the edge of his seat, he was every bit as ambitious as Ozai had hoped.

"Of course, Sir, I'm honored you would even think of me," he said, trying to hide his widening grin. _About time someone recognized my talents,_ he thought greedily. The princess was the ultimate prize. Marrying her would get him in with the FireLord, he would hold sway in the war room, people would give him the respect he deserved, and she would surely be as beautiful as Ursa was. _Not to mention, if something happened to Prince Zuko._..he smiled again.

"I'm very glad to hear it, Lieutenant," Ozai said, "You may return to your ship now." He dismissed the man with a wave of his hand, who stood up and bowed even deeper than before.

"Thank you, FireLord," he said excitedly then began to back out of the room.

"Lieutenant?" The man met Ozai's eyes, "It would be better if no one heard of this."

"Of course, Sir." _And obedient too,_ Ozai thought with another disturbing smile as the man exited his study.

* * *

**A/N:** Another Ozai mini-chapter! I have a lot of trouble writing him for some reason, so I apologize if he's a little out of character. I'll probably have a real chapter up later tonight. =]

I'm sure 98% of you can guess who the Lieutenant is, but SHHHH, wait for my big reveal! ;]


	11. Monster

**Monster**

Azula finished her set with a roundhouse kick. Lo and Li had instructed the princess re-master each of her previous sets while maintaining blue fire, something which took a surprising amount of concentration for the young woman. Azula was sweating from the exertion, but each time it got easier. She knew that most fire bending was based on emotion, and she found it rather easy to draw from the raw place in her chest.

Since her mother disappeared, Azula had thrown herself back into training. Each morning she awoke and did her warm up under the rising sun. Each day after she came home from the Fire Academy, she practiced until her muscles ached, and each night before bed she did her stretches while the sun set.

Today, Mai and Ty-Lee came home with the princess and were sitting, waiting for her to finish her practice.

"You're so lucky," Ty-Lee said to Azula after she finished her set. The princess looked at her and raised an eyebrow when Ty-Lee didn't go on. "Oh, because you don't have to take music or dance lessons. My parents won't let me learn to fight," the acrobat said.

"Mine won't either," Mai added. "The tsungi horn is soo boring."

"You're not very good at it, either," Azula said, then added as an afterthought, "no offence."

Ty-Lee giggled, but Mai just groaned and fell backwards to lie on the stairs where she and Ty-Lee were sitting, "Believe me, I know."

"Why don't you teach yourself how to fight then?" Azula sat on the stairs beside her friends. The other two girls looked at each other then back to Azula. The princess had always thought it a little bit strange that her friends didn't learn any of the same things she did. They were in a war. Her father wanted her to be strong, why didn't theirs?

Ty-Lee shrugged, "You know…I don't know," she said, then brightly added, "Hey Azula! I got a new scroll, wanna see?"

"What is it about?" the princess asked. She glanced at Mai and rolled her eyes then smirked; the corner of the other girl's lip twitched up, into a small smile.

"It teaches me how to read auras!" She said, pulling a new scroll out of her bag, "Mine is pink. That means that I'm sensitive and compassionate." She grinned brightly and sat down, with Azula on her right. She looked straight ahead, instead of at the princess. "See, I look out of the corner of my eye to try and see the colors around your heart."

Mai raised her eyebrows and covered her mouth with her hands, trying not to laugh. Azula sighed dramatically and looked at Ty-Lee incredulously. "What color is my aura? Whatever that is…" She asked sarcastically, but it was apparently lost on her friend.

Ty-Lee frowned in concentration, from Azula's angle it looked like she was glaring at the bronze sculpture at the edge of the courtyard and she snickered. "I think…its dark red," Ty-Lee finally said.

"Uhm…Ty-Lee? I think that'd be Azula's shirt," Mai grinned.

Ty-Lee turned and looked at her friends, specifically at Azula's dark red tunic. "Awh dangit. Let me try again," she turned 180 degrees and tried to look at Azula out of her left eye, while the other two girls giggled madly.

"It's…wow it's dark green, Azula!"

"Green?" The princess raised an elegant eyebrow.

"Yep, its dark green, I can really see it this time!" Ty-Lee exclaimed, and then looked at the scroll to see what a dark green aura meant. Ty-Lee's smile faltered as she read which served to peak Azula's interest. "Oh never mind, it's boring." Ty-Lee started to stand up but the princess snatched the scroll out of her hands.

"Green Aura Color," Azula read out loud, "Relates to heart and lungs…blahblahblah," she skimmed down to the different shades of green, "Forest Green: Jea..." Azula stopped. _Jealousy, resentment, sensitive to criticism, insecurity, low self-esteem, blaming self or others._ The fire bender noticed that her mouth was slightly opened and closed it, then looked back up at her friends. Mai just looked bored and confused (like always) but Ty-Lee was sporting an anxious look and a frown.

"This stuff is stupid," Azula said with a scoff.

"Yeah, ha-ha," Ty-Lee said, she gave her friend a pitying look, which irritated Azula.

_What right does she think she have, pitying me?_ Azula thought, _I'm a princess, I'm a prodigy and I'm strong_. So, without thinking it through Azula set the scroll on fire in her hand and handed the metal bars to Ty-Lee, who looked like she was going to cry.

But someone else interrupted, "Why did you do that Azula!" It was Zuko. He had seen her burn the scroll from the door to the palace.

"She _said_ it was stupid," Azula drawled.

"Why do you have to be so mean?" He asked, crossing his arms.

"Why do _you_ have to be such a little girl about everything?" She shot back. Mai and Ty-Lee looked on silently.

He marched over and stood a few inches from his sister, "Look who's talking, you're just a spoiled little brat."

"And you're just a whiner. Why don't you go cry to Dad, like you used to with Mom, and see what he says. It's _your _fault she left anyway." She said the one thing that she knew would hurt her brother most. Azula's friends glanced at each other with wide eyes; they knew better than to get involved in a fight between the prince and princess.

"Take that back!" Zuko yelled as Mai stood up and ran inside to get someone.

"Make me! You know it's true. And Dad doesn't even like you, there's no way he's going to let you be FireLord. He won't even let you in the war room," Azula felt her chest getting hot again. Zuko had finished up at the Fire Academy for boys, but his father still had not invited him to any of the war meetings, something the resentful princess had taken note of.

Zuko didn't say anything, but tackled his sister to the ground. They punched and kicked, yelling insults at each other in between small bursts of fire. When Suyin (Azula's nurse maid) and another servant pulled her off of her brother, she smiled seeing a burn on her his shirt, but then let out a high pitched shriek of rage when she realized that part of her hair, which had fallen out of her bun in the fight, was singed.

"I hate you!" She screamed as the servant pulled her brother inside by the upper arm.

"I think it's time for you girls to go home," Suyin said kindly to Mai and Ty-Lee.

"Yes ma'am," They said simultaneously, then waved goodbye to Azula, Ty-Lee looking sadly at her burnt scroll.

Suyin dragged Azula into her room. "I don't know what you were thinking, Princess Azula, but that is no way for a young lady to act," Suyin scolded. Azula felt something twitch in the back of her head.

"What do you know? You're not my mother. You're just a sad old lady who never had any kids herself," Azula said spitefully. At the look on her elderly nurse maid's face, Azula felt her heart jerk. _Mother was right, I am a monster_, she realized.

Suyin looked at the princess, hurt and shocked, then stood and walked out of the room. Azula's eyes burned again, but this time, she refused to let a single tear fall. She was strong.

The next day she was told that Suyin had resigned and left the palace. Azula was really alone.

* * *

**A/N:**I am in a very writing mood, so if I don't do it now I will get completely distracted and never finish this, so expect another update soon. Again, please let me know what you think!


	12. Slipping

**Slipping**

Azula screamed, struggling against her bonds. She heard a voice in the back of her head telling her she was insane, which only made her scream louder, breathing fire into the air. She'd lost, and something had broken in side of her. The flood gates were open, tears were streaming down her face; her screams were intermittent with insane laughter. Azula felt like she was outside of herself looking in. Even as she knew she had completely lost it, there was nothing she could do to stop every piece of her soul from exploding out of her body in shrieks and fire.

_Bring the fire to set me free._

Then it stopped. She had fallen to her side, and was breathing hard. The tears were still coming, but her mind felt empty and broken. That hollowness that had been in her chest for so long had broken out and consumed the rest of her; bits and pieces of the last years of her memory surfaced, only to sink to the back again.

_Ghosts waiting above my grave._

_

* * *

_

She was 11 years old and watching Zuko fight an Agni-Kai, or…not fight, as the case was. Zuko was on his knees begging their father not to hurt him, refusing to fight. Azula was surprised that her brother wouldn't fight, but excited to see what their father would do to him for it.

She knew that he _should_ have fought, even if it was against Ozai. He had agreed to participate in the fire duel, refusing after it had begun was disgraceful and in doing so he had brought shame on the entire royal family. Azula knew that Ozai wouldn't accept such a display of cowardice from the crown prince, but she was still a bit shocked at the severity of the punishment: scarred forever and banished.

_Well…the weak are there to justify the strong,_ she thought, trying to calm her own nerves.

* * *

Azula was 13 years old when her father called her to his war room. She was kneeling on the ground, bowing in front of the throne. Ozai informed her that when she was 16 she would be marrying a man named Lieutenant Commander Zhao. She knew who he was, she had been sitting right next to him during Zuko's fateful Agni-Kai; it made her feel sick to think of marrying him.

"W-why?" She asked Ozai.

"Because even with your brother gone, you cannot be FireLord yourself." He explained to her that if she married someone, then had him poisoned, she could more easily take the title. Ozai had been steadily gaining power over the last several years, Azula found it hard to believe that he couldn't just say she would be his successor and then it would be over and done with, but she remembered the sound of Zuko screaming and kept her mouth shut, bowing again before she excused herself.

_How can this be happening,_ Azula thought. She walked slowly down the hall to her room, shoulders slumped. She had grown into a young woman, gotten taller and her curves filled out. The princess stopped two doors down from her own and stood staring at the mahogany door.

_He is just trying to find a way to make me his successor,_ Azula reassured herself as she pushed the heavy door open and stepped inside. Nothing had been touched in the two years since Zuko had left. His wardrobe and dresser were hanging open after he rifled through them to take everything he would need when he went to search for the avatar.

Azula laughed when she heard her brother's assignment. No one had heard from the avatar in 100 years. Zuko would never find him, but he couldn't come back until he did. Azula leaned against her brother's bed, looking down when she felt her foot touch something. She bent to pick up the old Earth Kingdom soldier that she used to love to steal from him when they were younger.

_I'm special,_ the princess thought, _I'm not a failure, and Father loves me._ She placed the toy on Zuko's dresser, harder than necessary and hurried out of his dusty room.

* * *

She was 5 years old; her Uncle was teaching her to play Pai Sho. She was a twitchy little girl, and had trouble concentrating long enough to remember what all of the different pieces meant and which moves would earn her points.

"You see, Azula, the key is to create harmonies between pieces, and to eliminate disharmonies," Iroh explained.

"Right," Azula said boredly, staring at all of the pieces, "Why are you teaching me this?"

"I figured maybe you and Zuko could play sometime, he seemed to enjoy it," The prince responded.

"Bleh, Zuko," she scowled, remembering 'the Incident.' "I won't ever play with him."

"Why not?" Iroh looked surprised.

The princess sighed, looking at the ground, "He always whines and takes mom away from me," for some reason Iroh was always so easy for Azula to open up to, with his calm demeanor and kind smile.

"Love is not a contest, Azula," Iroh said seriously, "You don't have to compete for the love of your mother. She cares for both you, and Zuko."

Azula snorted and looked away again, "So what does this piece do?" She said, holding up the wheel.

"Well, that is a very important piece…" the princess' memory trailed off.

* * *

She was 14 when she was on Ember Island, and realized that she had never kissed a boy. She had never had a boy hold her hand, or hug her. All of the boys her age were afraid of her, not just of her Father, but of Azula herself. She was intimidating and she knew it. That was what she was going for, but it pushed them away; 14 year old boys were more interested in girls like Ty-Lee.

But, without fear, Azula didn't know how to make anyone like her.

* * *

Azula was 15 when she realized her father didn't love her. He didn't care about her any more than he did Zuko, she was just more useful, stronger. At the time, she didn't let herself think it, but when he didn't take her with him to execute the plan that she had come up with, she knew it.

She sat behind her wall of blue fire, she had everything she wanted, she would be the new FireLord, they were about to win the war. She should have been happy, proud, but all she felt was fear. She was alone, scared, she couldn't handle it but she was too proud to admit it. So instead, she banished almost everyone in the palace, convinced that they would betray her.

Azula realized that she had banished all of her servants when she stood alone in front of the mirror, struggling with her own hair. She had never tied her own top knot before, and she didn't know how. With each try she became more frustrated, more hysterical, she was shaking and the Empty was bubbling up out of her chest.

She yanked her finger out of the ribbon then grabbed the scissors.

"Alright Hair, it's time to face your doom," she said with a lopsided smile, then cut her bangs clean off, leaving them uneven.

Azula's grin slipped off at the sight of her mother standing behind her. _It's not real,_ she thought.

"What a shame, you always had such beautiful hair," Ursa said, and Azula knew she wasn't there, but try as she might the vision wouldn't go away. Her mother looked exactly the way she had the last day Azula had seen her; when she'd told her she would be back to finish their talk.

"What are _you_ doing here?" Azula asked, accusingly.

"I didn't want to miss my own daughter's coronation," she replied. The fact that Ursa was a hallucination was pushed into the back of Azula's brain.

"Don't pretend to act proud; I know what you really think of me. You think I'm a monster," Azula told her, remembering the look on her mother's face when she pushed Zuko off of their garden wall.

"I think you're confused. All your life you've used fear to control people. Like your friends Mai and Ty-Lee," Ursa's voice was kind.

"But what choice do I have! Trust is for fools, fear is the only reliable way," Azula looked down, then added angrily, "Even you fear me."

"No," Ursa answered shaking her head, "I _love_ you, Azula, I do."

Azula felt her bottom lip begin to tremble, and the tears start to roll. Her mother loved her, and she's gone. The only person who ever did. The only person she could ever trust.

Anger bubbled up out of Azula's stomach. She grabbed her hairbrush from the table beside her and threw it at her mother's reflection, shattering the mirror. Her knees were shaking and she collapsed, sobbing.

After a few moments the princess forced herself to stand and wipe her tears. _This is the only way it will __ever get better. The only way,_ she thought as she walked out to her coronation, slightly unsteady.

_I hear voices in the air__  
__It's too strange no one's ever there._

_

* * *

_

Zuko and the water bending girl were staring at her. Suddenly, her brother was kneeling next to her; he picked her head up and laid her down in his lap, pushing her now uneven hair back from her face. Normally she would have been embarrassed for them to see her like this, but she couldn't bring herself to care. The Empty had finally taken over; her heart and mind were broken.

_So I wish I could count quietly in a crowded room till we were only standing there__  
__In another time, life, and place__  
__And the only thing one could hear was the soft whisper of__  
__4, 3, 2..._

_

* * *

_

**A/N: **Omg it's done! I resurrected the same song as before, since I feel like it fits so perfectly, it's "I hear" by Lennon.

*fears copyright laws*

Well, I hope you liked this story, I did. I implore you one last time to review or message me and tell me what you think! I'd love to have feedback, to know what you thought worked or didn't work, what you liked or didn't like. It makes me smile to get feedback. =]

Thank you for reading!

(hearts go here)


	13. Ache

**A/N:** Okay, I finally made up my mind. I wrote this chapter after I originally finished this fic, but then decided I didn't think it fit right. The original plan had been to start and end with Zuko. After LOTS of consideration and some editing I decided that I really couldn't resist posting this.

Also! Something I realized I didn't explain. I made Azula 15 at the end of the story because I put her birthday at the summer solstice, and Sozin's comet came at the end of the summer. So thanks Trina for pointing it out. I also want to give Trina a big pile of hearts because she said this story inspired her. Like...WOAH.

n.n

* * *

**Ache**

**

* * *

**

Zuko felt like he was drowning. His heart was beating sand instead of blood; he wondered if it was even beating at all, or if this is what it felt like when it stopped. His lungs seized up and he couldn't make himself breath; Zuko knew that he was dying. Somewhere far away he could hear Katara and Azula fighting, but it sounded muffled, like he was listening from underwater.

But then something cool crept in past the burning and suffocation. He could feel it trickle through his skin and into his veins, knitting him back together. The sand feeling started to dissolve; the prince took a deep breath savoring the taste of air, rich with ozone from Azula's lightening. _It's funny that you never realize how wonderful it feels to breathe until you stop for a few minutes,_ he thought.

When Zuko opened his eyes the first thing he saw was Katara leaning over him looking frazzled and anxious. Black spots danced around the edges of his vision but he sat up slowly, one arm clutching at his aching chest.

"Thank you, Katara," he wheezed.

Her eyes started to tear up, "I think I'm the one who should be thanking you…"

Then, Zuko looked over her shoulder to see his little sister, chained to a metal grate, simultaneously screaming, laughing and sobbing. His felt a stab in his heart that didn't have anything to do with the lightening. Then, Azula stopped. It looked like someone had flipped a switch and shut off the madness; the princess stared into the distance for a moment, breathing hard, and then collapsed onto her side.

Slowly, Zuko made his way over to her and set himself gingerly on the ground, trying not to strain his sore muscles. He picked her head up and held her, wiping the tears off with the hem of his sleeve. It looked like someone had pulled the life right out of her and left an empty husk.

"What are you doing?" Katara asked, waving her hands in frustration, "She almost killed you!"

"You think I don't know that?" he snapped, frowning. Zuko pushed the uneven hair out of his 15 year old sister's face and felt guilt land in the pit of his stomach. He had left just two years after his mother, leaving a young Azula alone with Ozai.

He knew that Azula was her own person and made her own choices, just like he did, but he had Uncle there to help guide him, who did Azula have? He was her older brother, the one who was supposed to look out for her and protect her, and he'd left her alone. Azula's eyes were closed and her breathing had evened out; the prince figured that she passed out.

"Seriously, Zuko…" Katara started.

"No," he said sternly, "Your father told Sokka to take care of you when he left right?"

The water bender crossed her arms and leaned her weight on one foot, looking away from him, "Yeah."

"Well how do you think Sokka would feel if he failed?" Zuko could feel himself getting angry at Katara. He could see where she was coming from, but she wasn't there when he and Azula played hide and explode together, when she imitated Li and Lo until he laughed after a poor fire bending lesson, or when they went swimming on Ember Island. Zuko had countless horrible memories of his sister, but he also had a handful of precious happy ones.

"Huh, Katara? What if you were the one who was—"

"Okay, okay, I get it," she said softly, waving him off. Katara looked embarrassed as she glanced everywhere but at the unconscious Azula.

"Prince Zuko…?" It was one of the stunned fire sages who had ran inside when the fighting began.

"Yes?" He said distracted, his mind focused on the heavy lead feeling in the pit of his stomach more than on the raw ache in his chest.

"What…are you going to do now?" The man looked at him expectantly. Now that Azula was out of the picture and Ozai was probably being defeated by Aang, Zuko realized that he was in charge. "Should we get someone to arrest the princess before she wakes up?"

Zuko's head jerked up and he snapped back to reality. "What? NO. You can't take her to jail," he winced in pain after the outburst.

"Zuko…" Katara started again. He opened his mouth to argue with her but then realized she was right. Something had to be done with Azula. It hurt to breathe.

He felt his shoulders slump. How could he have failed so completely? _There has to be somewhere but prison…_he thought with a frown, "What's the name of that place off the Western coast?"

"What place?" Katara asked.

"It's a hospital, it's for people who…well…" he looked down at his sister's tearstained face.

"..Fengkuang Island?" One of the sages said.

"That's it. Take her there instead of to prison," the sage bowed and backed away to find an imperial fire bender or guard that hadn't been banished under the short but terrifying reign of FireLord Azula.

* * *

Zuko sat on the stairs of the palace entrance way, looking at his hands. He heard someone walk up from behind, and turned to see Katara standing beside him.

She had one arm crossed over her chest, holding onto the opposite shoulder, and she looked off to the side of him instead of in his eyes when she spoke, "I'm sorry about earlier…"

"It's alright. I understand; you never saw any other side of Azula."

"Yeah…" she sat down and there was a long, awkward silence. "But I understand too. I know _exactly_ how Sokka would feel if...uhm, _something_ happened to me." She ran her hair through her hands nervously.

Zuko sighed and considered telling her about the promise he made when he was little, but then changed his mind. "Yeah…" he said instead.

"Okay, well. If you ever wanna talk…" she trailed off, her blue eyes finally meeting his.

"Thanks," Zuko said quietly. Katara patted his shoulder in a small gesture of friendship that felt strange to both of them.

"I think I'm gonna go check on Appa," she said, standing up. The prince nodded and found himself alone. Zuko thought about the time his sister came to apologize after she pushed him off the wall. He frowned and rubbed the aching place in his chest.


End file.
